She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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