Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
