We won't sleep together?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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