whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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