Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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