Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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