They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
