New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
