I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
