Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
