Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
