So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
