He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
