Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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