So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
