Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
