i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
