god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
