the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
