Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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