Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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