I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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