Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
