i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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