I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
