Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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