and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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