You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
