You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
