but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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