Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
