what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
