i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
