im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
