he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
