Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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