There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
