you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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