He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
