How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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