But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
