Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
