why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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