put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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