you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
