she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
