He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
