You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize