never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
