a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
