So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
